I have travelled quite a bit over the years and have met many people from different walks of life but realised that sometimes the little things aren’t so different. Recently on a flight from London to Washington after 8 hours of having my leg stroked by an Indian, not so gentlemanly gentleman, and being pushed into the window of the plane, I started to question why most men think they are entitled to the arm rest and a good proportion of your leg room. I know it is generally recognised that most men sit with their legs wide open to avoid any unnecessary restriction of their manhood but seriously, on an aircraft most people require every inch of their overpriced personal space. I suppose it really boils down to common decency, a thing that seems to be diminishing by the day in a world of everyman out for what he can get.
When thinking about interactions round the world, I know China has a great number of flaws in freedom of speech and disparity between those that have and the majority that have very little, but decency is something that I have seen practiced there on a number of occasions. I am under no illusions that a western woman travelling on her own to other parts of the world is first and forth most unusual but also creates the general appearance of someone that is quite wealthy and this could obscure the general behaviour of the people around her. No, all my observations are based onmonoracial interactions and how they treat their fellow man. There are no rose tinted spectacles in sight, but chinese people are generally very civil. Most of the time there is no pushing or shoving to get onto public transport although it is very crowded, little queue jumping and everybody is aware that personal space is at a premium but what little there is is respected none the less. Most Chinese men are in my opinion gentlemen. I believe men from Shanghai in particular are recognised as being especially attentive to the opposite sex, that could be seen by some as a weakness, I would see it more as respect. I know people could debate for hours over how to treat women, how women wanted to be treated as equals so that means they get treated in the same way as men but honestly would most men just take it if another guy sat next to them on a plane and took over the arm rest? Come to think of it, I am sure I have observed body gestures and knee tussles to see who wins out on the arm rest and leg spreading stakes. The immediate thing that springs to mind are all the nature programmes observing the fight for predatorial or mating ground but I suppose evolution in humans has taken it further. You couldn’t imagine opposing lion prides civilly waiting it out in a steel tube at 35,000 feet to get to the next feeding ground?
Australian men generally have an usual tactical approach, there initiate conversation and then add in a few jokes. Lulling you into a false sense of security which automatically entitles them to invade your personal space because you are now friends and he has a sense of humour which must make him a “good bloke”. How can anyone turn round after that and shove his elbow out of the way or ask him to move him knee back into his area, you can’t. You sit there aware of every movement your make and dread meal times when you have to perform some sort of weird contortionism to get the fork from the foil tray to your mouth hoping that at least some of it will make it there before giving up on a bad job.
I normally have a window seat, I like to see the aeroplane take off and land but I most enjoy that moment when you breakthrough the last bits of cloud cover and emerge through the other side on top of the world. From up there the rest of the world could have stopped and you wouldn’t know it. From my window seat I was always of the opinion that yes, the person next to me was entitled to the arm rest. The window seat, in most cases, has the luxury of an extra inch at the side and you can mould round the window to utilise that space, they had another person on the other side of them, who had the aisle as breathing space. Always sticking by this rule I would take some comfort in this knowledge if I got put in a middle seat on a last minute change of flight or seat number, but after being in the middle seat on a number of occasions it quickly became apparent that other people don’t follow the same rules of aircraft etiquette that I do. A six hour flight from Washington to Seattle saw positioned in a middle seat the day after I was in line at customs for two and a half hours which caused me to miss a connecting flight and stay in a hotel overnight getting a few hours of broken sleep. I was sat between two American men one in his fifties and one in his twenties (so age is not the issue here) who both decided they were having more than their share of arm rest and leg room.
I could rant on about different experiences I have had whilst flying but I am sure you have all had them too or can at least identify with some of the things that I have said but I don’t want to do that because I always look for the good in a situation and people in general. I have always and will continue to stick by my aeroplane etiquette but maybe this just might make you think next time you fly.
Coffee Shops
It is really wierd observing people. You can almost take a step back out of the real world and be an observer. This can only really be achieved when you are alone and you ca, to a certain extent, blend into the background. If you are with other people you are either engaged in conversation or people would notice if 2 or more sat in a group saying nothing and staring into the middle distance. It is an easier thing to achieve again if you have a laptop, you can people watch to your hearts content never to be discovered, although you do need the self discipline not to actually get involved in technology.
Take coffee shops as a good example. There are people meeting friends, talking animatedly, excited to see each other even if they last saw them that morning. Studious people with their heads in books obviously trying to take things in but then staring at the same page for an hour with the look of never actually digesting anything. People reading, totally engrossed in the depths of the book and not really noticing the people around them. I love it when that happens and your so involved with the characters and their lives that you are living through the story with them but with the ability to step out again at a moments notice.
People trying desperately to drain every last drop of their drink before having to go back to whatever made them want to take a break in the first place. People huddled together over their table talking about people they know, worrying that there is the slightest possibility that the person in question could come walkign through the door. People laiden with shopping bags taking a break to take stock and root through their purchases, possibly checkign off a mental list or, especially pre christmas, actually getting out the list and marker pen ready to feel proud of what they have achieved or start grasping their forehead in despiration.
People reading over other peoples shoulders waiting for their opinion on something or finding something interesting and hoping they don’t get caught.
The scene at the counter is also a great pleasure to watch. The bored girl behind the counter trying to sound upbeat but really only consoling herself with the acceptance that every orer she takes is another order closer to getting her life back. The indifferent customer that decides what they want with a quick glance at the menu board but really wouldn’t be alrmerd if they got a steaming cup of vomit back. The seasoned professional that feels the need to make everyone aware of that by huffing at the other people in front of them that struggle to decide what size they want, regular? grande? Then when they get to the counter themselves turn up the volume by 10 decibels and order something really obscur for the sake of it then look around as if to say, ‘that’s how you do it’. These people also think that they belong in a place like this and that everyone around them should feel priviledged they let them in.
Back to the counter and we are onto the customer that is ordering a few things whilst searching for friends and family in the sea of people trying to get approval for the answers that are giving abou ttheir order, hoping they won’t get it too wrong and get it in the neck later. The guy confidently ordering an expresso and somehow not realising it was going to come in one of the smallest, most unmanly cups imaginable. The lady that breezes in with 4 inch heels and designer handbag just getting a take out because anything longer would take her further away from a busy lunch time meeting or essential shopping time.
Then over in the corner with the cold coffee because they have spent so much time observing everybody else is the person that forgot the real reason they came in to the coffee shop. Not intentionally to observe what other people were doing, or to belittling others. No, this person came to the coffee shop to be part of something, to forget their loneliness for a while, subconsciously picking faults with others around them to feel better about their life whilst knowing that they would happily change places with anyone of these people to temporarily escape their life.
You may wonder how I know this, but then I don’t think you will be suprised to find out that the person in the corner with the cold coffee is me.
